Field Trip Rules

Today is the field trip to the farm. When my daughter got into the car I told her she needs to get the hand sanitizer out of her backpack and put it into her pocket. I WATCHED her do this. On the drive to the bus stop we laid down some rules. At first I tried to tell her to not touch ANYTHING. But how boring would that be? So I told her to pet the animals and all but use the sanitizer LIBERALLY and as soon as she can, wash her hands. Then when she gets back to school, before lunch, she better wash the HELL out of her hands. Under her nails, between her fingers, and them suds better go up past her fuckin' WRISTS.

She was very agreeable on everything. Since she's the one who had the crypto puke and diarrhea fest, she knows what's at stake here. But you know, I was listening to myself as I gave her instructions and I thought, "Damn, I sound positively RABID."